We all know this smart person (often an engineer) that speaks extremely bluntly, sometimes saying things that might be socially considered as harsh/awkward.
I started thinking about this recently.
I work much better with such people.
At times, I tend to say things myself that people tell me were too harsh or direct. I don’t get it. I usually think that they’re normal fair things to say, because they’re true, disregarding what feelings/emotions hearing them may trigger for the listener.
I’ve realized that my engineer and scientific friends do the same. And I think I’ve realized why they do it.
As an engineer, you’re often faced with technical problems that you have to agonize in untangling some logic to solve them.
This builds up a problem-solving brain muscle.
In order to solve a problem, you must seek the truth about its variables.
So that same muscle starts to cut to the chase. Avoid bullshit, and just focus on the zeros and ones that make the logic work, and therefore the problem solved.
And that carries on as a mental model that’s used socially by engineers.
When navigating a situation, I’m not trying to insult you, I’m just telling you the truth or trying to seek it.
This doesn’t mean that engineers don’t clench when needing to share feedback to avoid awkwardness. I’d rather not tell anyone anything and just stay in my bubble.
But in order for things to progress and problems to get solved, we must move. So we seek the truth.
Also, with a lot of feedback that ‘this was not okay to say’, even the strongest of hearts will start doubting themselves and building up a pattern recognition that they should not say the ‘truth’ at times as they get negative feedback when they do.
That, I believe, makes for sub-optimal (also known as crappy) building environments.
You can’t build great products if you can’t tell someone their work sucked.
There. I can’t put it more bluntly. (maybe I can)
Here’s to feeling more comfortable to be honest.
One Comment on ““Truth Seeking””
Here are my thoughts about this
When you tell people the “truth” – there are two outcomes
The first outcome is an emotional reaction:
– defense/attack/freeze
– or feedback from other people that that was harsh
This outcome appears in the short run after the truth has been said.
The second outcome is a rational reaction:
– the “truth” is accepted
– the “truth” has been acted upon
The second outcome takes more time to take place, as in the time difference between the second outcome and the time the “truth” was said is more than the time between fhe first outcome and the time the “truth” was said.
Now, the trick is that when you delivered the message, your intention was good and you were aiming for the second outcome not the first.
So why does the wanted outcome (the second) take a while until it comes?
Because the truth that was perceived in the short period of time was not equal to the meaning of the truth that you wanted to deliver.
The short term is ambiguous, meanings get lost in the depth of the variables that are happening in the short term. The short term is overwhelming, and most people aren’t present in the conversation as much as they are in their head and assumptions. You see how molecules behave in a hot body? They’re all over the place, too many gaps and air between each molecule. That’s how we work in the short, so many things are moving in our heads, so many emotions get tested while we’re just sitting and talking, meaning of words get lost in all of this.
Now the “truth” that was said by you contained nothing of what they have in their mind. It has nothing to do with any of the moving variables that the other person has, and the ones you’re having as well, aka the molecules. That’s why reactions of the short run are mostly unreliable. Things get colder after a while and fall into place. (Check how molecules are super organized in a cold object).
They say words betray us, but we betray the words too.
And here in this ted talk, i am ignoring the fact that the word “truth” isn’t accurate. I think what you’re sharing with people is your observation, observations aren’t the truth.
—– reading this again and reflecting: it feels like a universitt essay where you just write more words to get the homework done to the target words lol lol lol.
Sorry not sorry